The sun is shining and the to-do list is long. And I can tell you, I could use a good nap. Even better, I could use a long walk with dirt under my feet and a breeze in the trees. Or to dig my hands into the dirt and get the garden going.
I’m two weeks in to a three week cleanse.
This is the point where New York City feels more crowded than ever. Where well-meaning jokes don’t seem funny, and the normal volume of life is just too loud. And where the only thing I can hear my heart say is “Gently.”
My vanity and ego drove me here – put the idea of a cleanse into my head. But the wisdom of my heart told me to take it slow. No juice diet for days. Just simple, clean eating with the support of added proteins and probiotics. It’s slow. It’s clean. It’s working – and not at all in the way I wanted it to.
I wanted five pounds gone. Eight, even? But what I’m getting instead is wisdom. Is my heart breaking open. Is resistance to the wisdom of my own intuition. Resistance to the voice saying things like, don’t forget about me, about who you really are, about what is truly truly important to you underneath all of that ego and discomfort.
I know I need to dig out to give that voice some space, some light, some air. Part of me doesn’t want to do it – wants to go about my daily business, and let the voice be muffled by layers of dirt, ambition and life. I’m tired of feeling and tired of trying not to feel.
The only thing left to do is dig.