The Hidden Obvious

Anyone who knows me know that I’ve been finding the latest transition – from east coast to west, from single to engaged, from renter to homeowner – a little overwhelming.

For a long time I didn’t talk about it, even with those I loved, because I didn’t want to seem ungrateful for all the amazing gifts that are presented to me daily. “First-world problems,” my friend calls them.

After long talks and crying jags, my partner reminded me how helpful yoga has been in my life for healing and for clarity. The hidden obvious, number 1. But despite his encouragement, and the warm and tender support of friends, I was still so resistant. But eventually I got back on the mat. (Thanks, also, in part to Vern Yip and HGTV.)

With daily yoga, sometimes twice a day, even in the last week, I am noticing a difference. I’m not dwelling in the panic place, but I’m not ignoring it either. Instead I seem to be focusing on the potential for good.

I’ve had some unusual things going on in my body lately. Stomach problems and menstrual changes – both of which can be attributed to stress. But both of which were causing me more stress.

Last night during class, I had one of those seriously OBVIOUS revelations. The kind that make you slap yourself upside the head and say “D’oh!”

Either because of all of these changes, or as symptoms of something larger, I am blocked. My energy is blocked in such a way that I can’t recognize my own emotions, I can’t express creativity or self. And all of this is manifesting physically. My brain being cut off from my body, and my body entrenched in fear.

The shock of this realization was that I spent a year studying the energy body in my Prana Yoga training. Five hundred hours plus of dedication to learning how to move energy through the body, to create balance and remove blocks.

It’s as if I woke up from amnesia. Opening my eyes to “I know what this is,” and “I know what to do.”

It’s not that I assume that I’ll chant chakra sounds for 20 minutes and everything negative will disappear. But this is a tool for me to use to get to a more clear, more energetic place. Or, honestly, to get into the muck and mire and really look around in there.

There is a part of me that is SO relieved, and part of me that is just so shocked that I ever forgot this wisdom. It’s as if all that learning happened to a different person. And the person here, right now, was lost and flailing.

But yoga means union, as someone tells me almost every day. And right now, I feel like if I can ‘get myself together’ almost literally, more and more will become clear.

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