For the longest time, I had “OCTober25″(the startdate of Prana Yoga Teacher Training) as my password to my work computer. Then it was “justBR333THE,” and then, when I was trying to decide it was, “doBOTH4now.” All these messages to remind me to stay focused and calm at work. I try not to be disatisfied, when sometimes all I can think about is my alternate fastasy life.
I tend to go back and forth. Do I want to struggle financially, and risk the isolation I fear I’d face if I left my 9 to 5 job? Or do I want to break out and see where the winds take me – leaving my traditional, but social and creative office job behind?
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been deciding not to decide to do one or the other. I just do both until something else becomes apparent to me.
Lately, I’ve been less than motivated at work, and signing up for this yoga training has inspired fantasies of the gypsy life. I could leave the office behind and get myself in front of people. Talking, teaching, writing and grocery shopping in the middle of the afternoon.
Yesterday, I went out with some friends from the office to celebrate a recent promotion. Now, this doesn’t mean that my day-to-day life will change. I won’t recieve additional money or responsibilities (since I’ve been basically working beyond my job description for some time now). Of course, the recognition is always nice. And it has reinforced that I’m actually kind of good at this job. And there are elements of it that I do really enjoy. I like the people, the collaboration and the creative thinking (plus, the fact that I have health insurance and a relatively secure income).
So, once again, I’ve decided not to decide between my office self and my yoga self. I’m going to try to do both, again. Or still.