I learned a lot from my detox. And I have been slowly adding things back in. Brown rice, in to stay. Bread – not so much. I had a sandwich today for the first time. It was good though. Yogurt came back in. I just haven’t figured out how to get the calcium and stay healthy without it. I’m working on it.
But what I learned the most was about my motivations. How I’m pretty good at extremism, but not as good at moderation. That I still look for drama and change in my life – even though now I do it with nutritional experiments instead of recreational drugs and cute boys. I listened to my doubts and the excuses I make for myself. I heard my own reproaches and encouragement.
I went away for the weekend with a dear, dear friend of mine. And at one point on the trip there was an oatmeal cookie. This cookie deserved to be eaten. It was homemade and full of oatmeal and raisiny goodness. I ate it with a mug of hot apple cider on a chilled foggy afternoon. It tasted like a stick of butter rolled in oats, and despite my best intentions, I loved it.
After the weekend I wanted to return to my good-eating habits. But even so, I’ve found ways to eat junk. It turns out that vegan, non-processed foods can be made into cookies, too. Which is a blessing and a curse, I suppose.