Ickiness

here’s the honest truth, the real source of the ickiness for me, (dare I disturb the universe with this one?)…it has become apparent to me that in some part in the past my need to share bits of my life here, is/was in some way motivated by a need to present the world some kind of ideal way of living. as a means of presenting a beautiful picture of a life well lived. -“Blog Ickiness” from Keri Smith

Wow. This one triggered a lot for me. First of all, I want to express my deep respect and admiration for Keri Smith, her illustrations and her blog.

But it brings up interesting questions. Why do we blog? Why do I blog? Well, for me, I’ve kept a digital journal since I was in high school. It was easier for me to type all my teenage angst then to write it legibly. My hand was never as quick as my mind. And so blogging just seemed a natural extension on that.

However there is ego involved. Of course there is, otherwise wouldn’t I just be typing in Word and saving it somewhere on my desktop. Why publish it at all?

One of the reasons I began this blog, was to puiblish this conversation about balance. My fellow M&Mer and I were continually having conversations about the balance. The double pull in our lives to be calm, stretchy yoginis on the one hand, and hard-working, hard-partying, FUN people on the other. It seemed at the time (and still does) an important conversation to bring to the fore.

Something I’ve noticed in the evolution of this blog, though, is that I hardly ever share the unimpressive side. Meaning, the girls’ night out where I have one too many. Or the corporate persona who goes from meeting to meeting creating advertising for other people, only to come home, exhausted and flip on a Miami Ink marathon and zone out.

Part of this, much like Keri suggests, comes from a need to present an ideal life. But not just present it to the ether, to the grand invisible internet readers, but also to myself.

I want to think of myself in that light. I like to think of myself as a calm, stretchy yogini, ever searching for wisdom in hot-looking yoga pants and NOT a corporate cog or red-wine hound. Now, how is that for ego?

The truth – the true self – lies somewhere in between. I am all of those things. I contain multitudes, to paraphrase Whitman. So, what to do?

I’m not sure. I just wanted to flesh it out in writing. Since, you know, that’s also part of what blogs are for.

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