What if I Don’t heart NY?

Maybe it’s because I’ve been working too many hours, coming home exhausted, ready for sleep with no time to do yoga or see my niece and nephew. Maybe it’s because it’s February, and this grey month gets the best of me. Maybe it’s because I’m coming down with a cold. But lately I’ve been thinking: What if I don’t love New York?

This image is from Blackinton Mill in North Adams, Mass. Converted old mills turned into spacious, sunny artist lofts. The idea of it gets me drooling. All that sun, all that space!

Some people feed off the energy in this mad city. But for some reason, it seems to feed on me instead. I look up at the architecture, I love the city lights. But when I am harried and I try to stop to take a deep breath, it smells like exhaust and stale air.

I am learning so much here – about my career, my talents and skills, what I like and don’t like. I know this whole experience is important for me. There is so much to learn. I keep on telling myself that it takes time. Time to make friends, time to find where you fit in, time to feel comfortable. It’s coming up on a year now – barely a year. And 99% of me thinks that’s not enough time.

But that other 1%? Is so tired all the time. And I’m starting to listen to it.

– mmny

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