Day 5

Warrior I has always been a challenge for me. Aligning the hips forward and stretching my heel to the floor often seems impossible. Today, we held the poses a little bit longer than I’m used to. Longer than my brain and body were comfortable with. Longer, it seemed, than was physically possible.

I looked at my right foot, adjusted it. I looked at the joint between the ceiling and the wall in front of me. I started listing the things I had to buy at the grocery store. I was pleased with this distraction, I really was. It seemed to make the pose easier. It felt like I wasn’t even there at all.

And then, aha. Of course. This is exactly what I’d done at the wedding. And I realized that I was still there, in that pose. I just wasn’t present. The pose was happening without me, in a way.

Just because I’m not paying attention doesn’t mean it’s not happening. My muscles still had to work to hold me there. I still had to breathe. But by leaving the pose there – by leaving it in my body and not in my consciousness – I was missing it. The bad parts, sure. But the good parts, too.

My neice does the same thing when we play hide and seek. Last week, I opened my eyes after counting to thirty only to find her face up on her bed – smiling, with her eyes closed. I told her that just because she wasn’t looking, that didn’t mean I couldn’t see her.

Just because we’re not looking, doesn’t mean that everything stops. Everything is still going on around us – we’re just choosing to ignore it. It’s happening. And we’re missing it all as it goes whirling by.

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